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Good
manners will open
doors that the best
education cannot.
-- Clarence Thomas |
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SCHOOL VS COLLEGE
25. In high school, you do homework. In college,
you study.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school.
In college, food must be provided at an event before
students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one
shoulder; in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the
answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents.
In college, you get to live with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain
lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids
hadn't heard of it.)
17. In high school, you're told what classes to
take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as
long as the classes don't conflict and you have
the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed
and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually
sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're
lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the
administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys
on their way home when the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage
of your grade than your high school final exams
ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good
morning," you mumbled back. In college, when
the professor says, "Good morning," you
write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior
girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure
out the course schedule of the man/woman you have
a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she
will be walking around campus and at what time to
find them there.
9. Once you've obtained the information described
in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between
classes to that place where you know he/she will
be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to
eat pizza three meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to
get money from Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or
three), you don't need a note from your parents
saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.
2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because
it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to
lunch because you can't afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing
lists like this.
THE
IMPORTANCE OF RESEARCH
A college professor had just finished explaining
an important research project to his class. He
emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement
for passing his class, and there would be only
two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were
a medically certifiable illness or a death in
the student's immediate family.
A
wisecracking student in the back of the classroom
waved his hand and spoke up "But what about
extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As
you would expect, the class exploded in laughter.
When
the students finally settled down, the professor
gave the student a long, appraising look. "Well",
he responded, "I guess you'll just have to
write with your other hand"
Why
God Created Lawyers
Satan was complaining bitterly to God, "You
made the world so that it was not fair, and you
made it so that most people would have to struggle
every day, fight against their innate wishes and
desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief,
disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship
and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and
cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when
it is not my fault. Sure, I'm evil, but give me
a break. Can't you do something to make them stop
blaming me?"
And
so God created lawyers.
You
Might Be A Lawyer If....
You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
The shortest sentence you have ever written was
more than eighty words long.
You have a daughter named Sue and a son named
Bill.
Your other car is a BMW.
When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
When your wife says "I love you," you
cross-examine her.
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